Whirl Of Chances
by Mistah
Summary: Ran's past with Yohji was not quite what he assumed it would be. He wants to forget it all but once Yohji reappears in his life, things get into a complicated spin of a chance.


1 - Confessions, Reconciliation and Acceptance  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't try to sue 'coz I don't have anything on my account. Pairing: Yohji x Ran / Ken x Omi  
Wei? was over. Kritiker days were done.  
  
Free from Persia and his damn slogan. No Manx and her red hair. No mission folders, no leather outfits.  
  
Life was now normal.  
  
Light flickered on his cigarette. He took a long drag and exhaled evidently, the smoke savoring the coolness of the air.  
  
The sun highlighted the pale features of the man, making him luminous on the late afternoon.  
  
He took a final drag and stubbed the fag on an ashtray nearby. He let his gaze trailed the scene in front of him.  
  
The sea was calm, serene.  
  
Like a peaceful baby, deep in his slumber.  
  
The air was making its way, its chillness making the said man hold his jacket firmly to his shivering body.  
  
The trees below him were swaying back and forth gently, as if they were whispering about him.  
  
About his life.  
  
About his loved ones.  
  
About his lover.  
  
Unconsciously, a tear crept its way on his right cheek, making his lower lip trembled with painful memories about *him*.  
  
A breeze went by, soothing him in a myriad situation.  
  
So many questions yet so few answers.  
  
So many memories yet so few solutions on how to forget it.  
  
He knew he couldn't forget those painful, grief-stricken memories but he had to. He *just* had to. But there was no way on how to escape such a complicated situation.  
  
He relaxed for a minute but as soon as he sees the necklace Yohji gave him on his birthday, hatred moments came back, bringing up the feeling he had felt for him. He wore the necklace ever since Yohji left him to lessen his grief but it seems it only accentuates his condition.  
  
He whispered his name; letting the air drift it away in case the person might hear it.  
  
But as soon as the name escaped his lips, he sobbed; undeniably a shame for him, Ran Fujimiya, Abyssinian as he might be.  
  
But for now, he was just Ran.  
  
A lost child still haunted by his dreadful sins he committed two years ago. A desperate man seeking chances that he got for his lover to come back into his arms. Into his life.  
  
But all of his chances were frail, denied to its existence.  
  
He knows that Yohji should the first move because he was the one who left him behind. And because he was responsible for those hated memories. Because. because. he has a pride! Dammit! He paused for a while thinking, the tears already subsided.  
  
But that pride was lost, already gone away. He had no pride left because he had lost it so many years ago. Two years to be exact but for him, it seems that it had been five or six years. Like decades. Try centuries.  
  
A wry smile formed on his lips. He had lost to a battle he had never fought. Well, just a bit resisting on his side. He surrendered willingly and he got more than what he bargained for.  
  
Making love to each other, the loving caresses, the never-ending attention.  
  
But still.  
  
It was just a one-night stand but they had been persisted by something the both of them couldn't quite conclude.  
  
For him, their 'so-called' relationship was like bliss. It was like a never-ending story, there is a beginning but no end.  
  
Unfortunately, Yohji decided it was over between them. He had desperate in a way to keep their relationship but Yohji was determined. He wondered about the reason.  
  
He was determined to what?  
  
To get rid of him? To finally not pretend anymore?  
If that was the reason, he definitely did a good job of not letting it show.  
  
He never did manage to capture Yohji's heart. All those sweet nothings had been a lie, all along. All those midnight caresses and daylight attention was nothing at all.  
  
It was nothing compared to what love could do.  
  
After all, he was a toy. Yohji's fucking toy. His body was Yohji's to be played of. His heart belonged to Yohji, the man who hurt him, mentally and emotionally. Two years ago, it was fucking painful for him. But now, it was just the remnants of a sting.  
  
A sting that can be healed by antiseptics. Sardonic it may seem, it can't happen. Not in real life.  
  
He remembered all of it too well. Way too well.  
  
He remembered how Yohji broke his heart by walking out a damn, stupid door. He remembered how he cried his heart out, aching for him for whole, stupid years of his life. He remembered the feeling of a broken-hearted.  
  
He was a broken man.  
  
And here he was now, still a broken man amidst the atmosphere of happiness that surrounds him. It sometimes became nauseating for him but he admitted that it was an envious thing.  
  
He could hear Omi's frantic giggles when Ken continuously tickles him. He could Aya-chan's annoyed but amused shouts as she tried to silence them so she can hear the music.  
  
He almost smiled. Almost.  
  
But painful memories prevented him to do so.  
  
He remembered how Yohji would tickle him to cheer him up. He would then surrender and laughed along with Yohji and say, "'love you.", toying with a strand of dirty blond hair. Yohji would just embrace him, tucking his head under his chin. He would just sigh and melt under Yohji's arms.  
  
But he would still feel empty inside.  
  
He gripped the railing until his knuckles turned white. The memories still haunted him like a nightmare, overfilling him in a sense that he would still be empty and miserable inside.  
++++++++++++++  
He spent the rest of the afternoon on the balcony. The wind interrupted his thoughts, caressing his face and hair. He shivered despite the sort of coat he wore.  
  
His thoughts drifted to his never-ending dreams of Yohji holding him tight, whispering sweet nothings and kissing his forehead. And he would always wake up feeling alone once more.  
  
It's just like that every single night.  
  
Nights he would torture his self, still thinking about Yohji. Nights that he would punish his self, crying over him. Nights that he would pray that Yohji would be back in his life.  
  
And still he would end up feeling bereft inside.  
  
He was interrupted by Omi, asking if he was all right. He answered with a firm nod. He turned his gaze to Omi. He stared at the lively youth beside him. He saw how Omi's eyes would sparkle with just a tiny glimpse at Ken.  
  
He smiled at the mere thought. He never imagined that Omi and Ken's friendship would go this far.  
  
As for him and Yohji.  
  
He chuckled softly. He never thought that it would go this *far*. He chuckled again and this time, it went noticeable to Omi's attentive ears.  
  
"What are you laughing about?" Omi said, a curious expression present at his child-like face.  
  
Ran managed a weak smile. "Nothing." Omi raised an eyebrow. He continued, "It's just that I can't imagine you and Ken, together." Omi smiled and raised a knowing eyebrow.  
  
"Is that all?"  
  
Ran turned to him, his expression innocent. "What are you talking about?"  
  
Omi immediately felt sorry for Ran. "Oh, nothing special about. Just inquiring if you still think about him. If you still think about him at all."  
  
Ran didn't even blink or sound surprised why the sudden change of topic occurred to them. "Who am I thinking of?" he said, flatly.  
  
Omi touched Ran's shoulder and slowly recoil. 'This is not the time to discuss this. It's Christmas Eve, after all', he mused to himself. "Hey, I'm sorry if I brought it up. I know you hate him but isn't the right time now to forget what he had done to you? I know it's totally insane but you should take a break and for once, be free from him, from everything. I know it's totally big what I'm asking but..."  
  
Ran interrupted him. "Omi, I know you're only doing it to do me a favor but it is not easy, nor hard. In fact, it's really *hard*. I really love him and I can't forget him." He sighed and added, "Anyway, I'm sorry and can we just forget this conversation? He's miles away from us and he must have been enjoying his time forgetting us." He sighed for the second time. He really must forget him or he would go ballistic!  
  
Omi sighed. "It's okay. I know I'm the one who brought that up. I'm the one who's sorry. I'm just concerned about you, you know. You're staying in your room all day," he said. "Dinner is ready. We will wait for you to join us. But if still don't want to, dinner is on the fridge." Omi said, silently.  
  
Ran ruffled Omi's hair briefly, making the youth pout in his cute way of his. He smiled. "I'll be going down with in a minute. I'll just change, okay?"  
  
After Omi went down to set the table, he stayed at the balcony for a few minutes to register what Omi said. True, he wasn't ready yet to forget him but he had to do it soon in order to banish all the unforgettable memories with him. But was he ever ready to do it?  
  
Of course, he was ready. He was ready to do anything.  
  
Now, if he could just make his own self believe it.  
++++++++++++++  
He immediately went up on the balcony after they had eaten their Christmas Eve dinner. A bitter laugh rose in his lips. 'Look likes I'm going to spent a sad Christmas,' he thought, toying with the necklace that Yohji gave him.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by his cell phone, ringing. He answered it and was surprised by the softness of Omi's voice. "Omi? Why?" he asked, clearly surprised.  
  
"He's here, Ran."  
  
"Huh? Wait! Who's here?"  
  
"Me."  
  
Ran stiffened. He knew that voice. That soft, baritone voice.  
  
He slowly turned around and almost instantly, all of the anger and pain he kept inside evaporated like rain, in an early sunlight as soon as he saw verdant, green eyes stared back at his mauve, amethyst eyes reflected sorrow and regret expressing what's inside.  
  
Emotions played inside him, almost causing him a headache and turmoil boiling within.  
  
He was like a machine in the 'broking down' period. He was fighting the emotions to reign inside him but how was he supposed to feel, anyway?  
  
Fear coiled up with desperation. Familiar lust twisted with desire. Confusion and love clashed. Finally, anger won.  
  
Somehow, the anger dissipated when he looked at the familiar soulful eyes in front of him. It was nearly choking him, blinding all his senses.  
  
The reason why he really left him, all alone in the middle of sadness and happiness. But there was this little question nagging him still.  
  
Would he forgive him? Would he really have the heart to forgive him after all those times?  
  
He nearly laughed. Of course, he doesn't have the heart. He is an assassin, after all. But that was a long time ago. He wasn't an assassin anymore.  
  
He was only an ordinary person now. He was only a person, seeking out the love of his lover, lost and desperately craving it.  
  
The evident anger flared his eyes. He narrowed his eyes. "What are *you* doing here?" he said, coolly.  
  
Yohji's eyes betrayed what he was thinking, showing some of the hurt he felt inside. He took a step forward and said, "Couldn't you have much more nicer than that?"  
  
Ran turned his back to him, his gaze to the sky wishing that if he could only turn back time, none of this would happen.  
  
The silence between them was unbearable and though he hates to do it, he willed himself to speak. "Why did you come back after two painstakingly years, Kudoh?" he said, his voice icy enough to create a thin sheet of ice beneath them.  
  
He turned his gaze back again to Yohji, eyes hard and a blank expression on his face. He added sternly, "To hurt me again?"  
  
Yohji winced inwardly. Heart thudding painfully in his chest, he said, "Ouch. That hurt, Ran."  
  
A sarcastic smile formed in his tight-lipped face. "Glad I could hurt you. Even just a fraction."  
  
Silence once again reigned between them with Yohji fidgeting and Ran, slowly contemplating over their situation.  
  
Ran took a deep breath, obviously annoyed at Yohji, still standing there like an idiot. "What are you doing *here*?" he said, his voice straining in the last word.  
  
Yohji swallowed the lump the formed in his throat. 'This is going to be hard,' he mused.  
  
'Just say what you really feel for him, idiot!' a voice in his head said.  
  
He finally gave up and nearly threw his hands up in the air in frustration. 'Ok! Ok! I'll tell him!'  
  
He cleared his throat and said, "I'm here because. I came back for you."  
  
"You came back for me?! Hah! Now that was the worst understatement. I admit that was really a good one. Could've fooled me right there on the spot. Better try another one."  
  
"I came back to see if you're doing fine."  
  
"That was worse. Try another."  
  
"I wanted to see you."  
  
"That was nearly worst. Try another one."  
  
"I wanted to say sorry and."  
  
"Do you honestly think that saying sorry is for the best?!" Ran interrupted and nearly shouted at Yohji in near anger.  
  
Yohji was now really angry. He grabbed ran by the shoulder and just gripped him. He wanted to shake him to reality, hugged him tightly till he runs out of breath and simply gripped him. He decided to opt for the third and final choice.  
  
"Can't you see what I'm doing here? I'm trying my best here, okay?" He loosened his grip on Ran's arms and said, "I want to get you back and I really want to. I just want to-"  
  
Ran interrupted, pain and anger rippled in his voice. "I can't clearly see your intention here but if your trying to win me back, I don't see why I can't refuse." He struggled but Yohji had a good grip in his shoulders.  
  
Yohji to apologize once more but Ran prevented him to do so. "Saying doesn't mean a thing. Words are just words. It was just an act, after all? The way you treated, it was all a show, right? You left, I cried. That's it. No more, no less."  
  
Yohji released Ran's arms but quickly caught one hand. He held like the old times. Ran tried not to melt and succeeded. "Ran, I'm-"  
  
Ran held his hand up in front of Yohji's face. "The game's over. You melt me, I hurt you. It's all over now." He quickly claimed his hand back and fled up straight to his room, the tears that threatened to fall were now falling rapidly across his cheeks, a salty taste in his mouth. He slammed the door to his room and lay there, sobbing himself, thinking of a certain green-eyed, sexy man, whispering declarations of love in his ear.  
+++++++++++++  
Yohji shivered, obviously cold from the snow. He rubbed his arms to keep them from getting numb. He parked his car in a nearby store and went over his thoughts about Ran and most importantly, about his coat. Hell! He was freezing! If he just brought his new coat with his. He didn't know that his jacket wasn't in the backseat so there he was, sitting behind the steering wheel, obviously cold, freezing to death.  
  
"Well, well. The great Kudoh Yohji still impressing women? Anyway," he said, taking out a coat. "Here's your coat. Remember? It was your favorite coat. You left it the same day you walked out on me. Ever since then, I kept it and wore it occasionally. I'm that stupid, ne?" he added, his voice near to cracking but held it.  
  
Yohji stared at his lover. ex-lover, holding the coat, his coat. He took the coat and slightly brushed the fingers. He looked at a blushing, fidgeting, trembling, shivering and nervous Ran.  
  
As he put the coat on, memories came rushing through him: Ran smiling, blushing and laughing. Ran's lust-glazed eyes in their lovemaking sessions. Ran's impotent glare when it comes to his jokes.  
  
Giving all his courage, he wrapped his arms around the slim waist of his ex- lover, hugging him tight.  
  
Ran was debating between going home and spent a lonely Christmas or stay here in front of his ex-lover, looking like an idiot. He wanted to apologize to Yohji for being rude to him earlier that afternoon but he wasn't making any progress. He was shocked when he felt strong arms wrapped him in an extremely tight embrace. He didn't know what to do! He didn't know if he was conscious but instinct finally won and he felt his own arms snake around the Yohji's neck.  
  
If this was definitely instinct, he was glad, obviously glad that he has one!  
  
Burying his nose in the silky crimson locks of the redhead, he forgot his inhibitions and buried his nose deeper in the rich blood hair of the redhead. Smelling the scent of sweet lavender, images flooded in his mind, bringing back the old feelings he kept and still felt for the man. Taking a deep breath, he said softly, "I missed you and I still missed you. I love you." Tears coursing down his cheeks, he kissed Ran's temple lovingly.  
  
Hearing the sudden declaration of love to him by the man he love and still love, he lay his head on Yohji's shoulder and cried softly. Tears stinging his eyes, he whispered in Yohji's ear, "I missed you, you know? I love you so much." With that, more tears came down tumbling down his pale cheeks, a familiar emotion building up inside him.  
  
Yohji caressed Ran's face, kissing his forehead, his eyelids, his nose and finally his rosy petal lips. That small meeting of the lips led to a deeper and passionate one. He speared with the redhead's tongue, thrust for thrust, passion by passion. Ran gasped, hands tightening in his grip on Yohji's soft hair. Yohji broke the kiss and looked in Ran's eyes.  
  
Somber indigo-hued eyes reflected what he was feeling inside, boring into lucid pool of forest green eyes.  
  
Ran stared at emerald eyes. He let his head fall down but was surprised that a gentle finger tilted his head up to meet the loving gaze of his ex-lover, now lover. "I'm sorry if I pushed you too far," he said, stammering.  
  
Yohji cupped his lover's face and stared lovingly at those lovely orbs. "You don't have to say sorry. In fact, I'm glad of what happened because now," he said, lowering his face until his lips were a breath away from Ran's own set. "I know what I truly, really felt for you all along. What I really trying to say is that." he said, stroking Ran's fine cheekbones with his thumb.  
  
"I love you, Ran Fujimiya."  
  
Ran stared astonishingly at Yohji. He was already breathless with excitement but however managed to speak without choking.  
  
"I love you too, Yohji Kudou."  
  
While he silently tried to register what Yohji had said earlier, he cried tears of joy. He quietly uttered a silent but strong affirmation to Yohji, to both of them. "I love you, Yohji," his voice slightly muffled by the cloth of Yohji T-shirt.  
  
Yohji tried to suppress a smile as a thought passed over him. 'The great Kudoh Yohji, Japan's famous playboy, will have a steady relationship with Ran Fujimiya and would stay forever. He let a smile linger on his lips.  
+++TBC+++  
  
Review, onegai????  
  
Special thanks to Mariecar and my other 'friends'. They did not inspire me or something, mind you but they were the ones who stuck to me when I was down. (agghhh!!! Sap! Too much sap!)  
  
(jheuvyle( 


End file.
